robot•jumping•rope


you were saying?
October 31, 2007, 9:50 am
Filed under: bad day at black rock

small twinges of guilt about posting this frivilous tidbit of nothing because some sweet people might actually check their bloglines and such and then drop by thinking this is an Actual Post and dude what a colossal waste of time to poke your head in here and find nothing but words and no pictures and the longest run-on sentence you’ll probably read this week but there you have it cause we’re so sick still friggin sick since last week and it’s croup but o good grief not pneumonia please no no no for the baby can you believe that of course you can but what can anyone do in such a time as this but dole out meds and turn up the vaporizer and lie awake listenening for the baby seal breathing next to me and i really don’t deal well with any of it cause sleep deprivation and looking at my sick lovies throws me violently across the room every time but i land and stand up and attempt to stay sane and afloat and keep up and catch up and stop my house from being condemned for uncleanliness and the Exceptionally Helpful Husband and I make sure the children are bathed and fed and dvd’d out of their little minds all of which feels like scaling McKinley in a bikini when you fighting Mr. Depression and o good lord in heaven winter is coming and the stupid light box and fish oil and will it even help and every single day looks like tired and it hurts to wake up and you have to remind yourself to eat and brush your teeth and sometimes snap from bsg-fanfic-ghostwriting-in-your-head into the present tense while driving down the street with the kids in the back singing o my darling clementine and eating krispy kremes for the 3rd time in 5 days because one thing a tired mama can do to forget her fatigue and bring some fleeting fun to ailing angels is buy them those damnable rings of hot and melty delicious and man now i need one and some coffee. black.



happy place
October 19, 2007, 4:05 pm
Filed under: things making life better

this takes me there

as does this

(pertinent sections noted)

• • •

happy weekending ~

me



inquiring minds want to know
October 18, 2007, 5:40 pm
Filed under: learn, w.i.p.

why do i buy candy way too early for Halloween every year, and eat it all by the 20th?

why are all my tights too short? what, I’m 38 and I’ve GROWN TALLER since last winter?

why do people want fake-tropical-scented hair and clothes?

why doesn’t Britney’s mama slip some antidepressants into that girl’s bean dip?

why do my kids and husband dislike spaghetti AND lasagna? that’s just un-American or something, right?

why do I keep cooking spaghetti and lasagna when I’m the only one who will eat it?

why do i continue to buy crap at old navy when i know the clothes are total crap and fit me crappily? and people somewhere are making them for crap pay?

why are Lucky Charms, Popeye’s biscuits and Diet Dr. Pepper so addictive?

why does the girl’s clothing section at Target have crop tops, micro-minis and see-through cardigans size 6 and up?

why do my children put their shoes everywhere except the large, easily accessible tub right inside the front door?

why can’t my curly gray hairs and my super straight brown hairs co-exist peacefully?

why are The Bachelor, Survivor and that show with James Woods in it still on t.v.?

why hasn’t there been a second X-Files movie yet?

why is my son able to memorize pages of Calvin and Hobbes escapades but can’t remember the sum of 7+5?

why was the Blade Runner theme muzaking at Walgreen’s yesterday?

why does my mother still “suggest” how I should wear my hair and that I should dress “more like a mom”?

why are pencil skirts back?

why are high-waist Jordache bell-bottoms in stores? (you doubt me? check the urban outfitters fall catalog.)

why can’t I motivate myself to do anything vaguely crafty or sewy?

why am I the only one I know who watches The Unit, and not just for the hotties?

why did he have to go?

why can’t my email filter’s brain figure out message lines like “bigger is better” and “you’ll be able to go all night long” are SPAM?

why do people like Guinness?

why does my cat sleep 23.5 hours per day?

why?

why not?

• • •

gimme your whys.

you know why.



to the tune of la cucaracha
October 12, 2007, 1:30 pm
Filed under: things making life better

we’re goin’ campin’, we’re goin’ campin’, da da da daaa da, da da da daaa dah…

yes, i’m going to spend the weekend immersed in my very favorite activity (except for drinking cafe con leche in the zocalo in oaxaca, but we all know that’s not gonna happen again soon. ::sighs at memory of mexican coffee::).

now be good while i’m out kicking up my heels (and trying not to live in fear of mr. copperhead - don’t laugh - my husband did - but I bought a snakebite kit yesterday. completely useless, no doubt, but it makes me feel better, which is, i think, the point, am i right?)

see ya monday,

me



not quite ready for my close-up
October 9, 2007, 1:18 pm
Filed under: family, remember, self portrait tuesday

because I am weirdly conscientious about responding to being tagged, even if not personally:

7(ish) Things About Me

(let me just say right off the bat that this should be 7 Not That Weird Things About Me because, and you can confirm this with the husband and close friends, I’m a fruitcake with bizarre habits and nutty rituals up the wazoo but no way am I going to freak out my gentle readers with that information. anyway.)

1. I hate sushi. I KNOW. I’ve heard it all before. Blah blah blah I’m a philistine, a redneck, blah blah. Stop right now, it won’t work, so don’t even try. I’m such a hillbilly but that there stuff makes me think of bait and I’ve done far too much fishing. It’s a texture thing, totally. California rolls are cool, though. and fermented fish. (see #2)

2. (these might be mostly about food) I love fish sauce with the red hot passion of a thousand burning suns and will eat it on anything, anytime, anywhere. If they sold it in bulk at Costco there’d be cases of the stuff in my basement. A friend just told me about nam pla on green apples. O.M.G. Go ahead, try it. You’ll see.

3. I have a very difficult time sharing my food. with anyone. Like when the husband reaches over for a bite, I seethe quietly and try to fend him off, then pout if he takes too much. Pretty sure this comes from growing up one of the youngest in a household of 9. Scrappy little thing, am I not?

4. No t.v. or movies as a kid makes me the girl you never, ever want on your team in Trivial Pursuit. (entertainment category. need I say more?) Someday I’ll write a scintillating post about how making t.v. the ultimate forbidden fruit could possibly turn your child into a television addict who spends most of her young-adult evenings staring at cultural treasures like The Beverly Hillbillies and Three’s Company. Today is not that day, but itsa comin’.

5. I can’t swim and have taken lessons 4 times and had numerous friends try to teach me. May have something to do with my brothers jamming me into an inner tube then turning it upside down in a muddy pond full of snapping turtles when I was 9. Maybe.

6. I can read and type incredibly fast. Like, 150 wpm typing speed and books read in an afternoon. You’d think this would make me a smartie pants. It does not. Manual dexterity does not a high IQ make. It does put me in the running for court reporter school.

7. my first theater movie was at age 17. Top Gun, baby! with a guy who was 25 and had a new car and was looked upon with much disapproval by my dorm mother. (Beth, are you out there? D.D.!) I remember walking around with my ears buzzing for 3 days because it was so Loud. and so Intense. and Tommy was so Cute and Earnest back in the days before we figured out he was Scientology Wacko Number One. and my date smelled really good but was totally full of himself and told me I talked too much during the movie. which i still do.

bonus round

8. Speaking of dates, once I added them up and turns out I’ve been on something like 180 blind ones. This is a direct result of a) being single for quite a few years into full adulthood + b)having lots of happily married friends who wanted me in the same condition + c)my immense enjoyment of free stuff (NFL games, concerts, movies, food. I was shameless - but not slutty: only 1 date with each. loved the freebies, dudes! thanks for playing! seeya!)

and there you have it. if you’ve read this far and have yet to share your personal oddities with the rest of us, consider yourself personally appointed by me to do so.

• • •

note: I do solemnly promise to produce something requiring even minimal crafting effort on this blog. soon. Experiencing a sewing slump, crafting collapse, decorating depression, fabric funk, creative crumble, etc. (feel free to use any of these). But lookee my new fabric! You dig it, yes? Possibilities loom…



numb3rs, part the second
October 3, 2007, 3:34 pm
Filed under: create, enjoy, things making life better

crickets disemboweled by the praying mantis this morning: 3 (I couldn’t watch)

times the hard drive has emitted the sound of impending death: 4

large coffees with frothed milk consumed so far: 2

Bomb Pops consumed last night with friend to celebrate her birthday: 1.5

headache rating resulting from last night’s vodka consumption: 4.5 (1-10 scale)

positions tried in attempt to button skinny jeans for night out: 3

math facts my son will learn without bribes of legos or pets: 0

potty visits my toddler will make without bribes of licorice or gummy bears: 0

level of annoyance with PBS’s Big Big World: 10 (1-10 scale)

tears shed viewing PBS’s The War: many

emusic downloads in the past week: 58

pairs ipod earphones broken by daughter: 1

fast food meals consumed in the past week: no comment

paint chips “with possibility” for bathroom: 9

paint chips “with possibility” for bedroom: 17

wet towels currently on the bathroom floor: 4

temperature in degrees at 8a.m.: 51

emails needing replies: infinite

in-laws arriving this weekend: 2

geocaches to be found while in their company: undetermined

children to love: 3

silly emails sent to harass at-work husband(so far): 9

vine and rose-covered dream houses designed: 1

happy wednesday - and never stop dreaming



color my world
October 1, 2007, 2:37 pm
Filed under: enjoy, learn, remember

on my kitchen counter:  a walking stick with redbud leaves to eat (who knows what they eat? i need a better field guide.),  a praying mantis who appears either very pregnant or a glutton, flies and stinkbugs to feed the mantis and 2 sticks “just perfect for slingshots, mom.”

it’s been a good morning, science-wise.

so here i sit, eating shredded wheat with blueberries with one hand, typing with the other (but please note: this blog does not in any way endorse eating or drinking at the computer. ever. don’t ask me about 3 ruined keyboards whose drownings may or may not have resulted from the spilling of two large coffees and a Cherry Coke®. do as I say, not as I do.)

I want to write about my grandmother - my father’s mother.  and it’s my blog so I can write about whatever, right? like the 4 types of dutch cheese that live in my refrigerator right now or that my cat is limping and we don’t know why or that generic dishwashing liquid is crap but I keep forgetting that and buying it anyway. stuff like that. it’s my blog and my time, after all.

so Mil was quite a girl. what I remember most is that her house was awash in color. no, it was exploding with it. she did everything in technicolor, from the purple butterfly wallpaper on the dining room ceiling to the deep red walls in the living room that were painted with pheasants - or was it peacocks? probably peacocks. The stairwell was the most beautiful apple green you’ve ever seen. And many of those old metal lawnchairs (2 are in my basement) painted in different hues spotted the lawn.

She was the kind of old lady who found rocks and driftwood that looked like faces and brought them home to glue on googly eyes. she painted huge butterflies electric blue and attached them to the front of her house. she astroturfed every hard surface outside the back door in neon green, and next to it grew a huge, lovely garden with cannas and roses and iris and anything that comes in purple. When she discovered (and mastered) a new craft, she’d go to town with it, and by that I mean every bit of space in the house was at different times covered with doilies, afghans, 10,000 piece puzzles (glued together and shellacked, of course) and the aforementioned googly-eyed personifications of stuff from the woods. and dolls. and those glass clusters of grapes. I thought those were so cool.

her basement was awesome. AWESOME. the entire space was open and all the concrete walls were painted 3 foot sections of rainbow colors. the floor was randomly placed carpet sample tiles in the same shades. it was a riot of bright hues and delighted every grandchild who came to visit on Sunday (you could play so many games there - hop from color to color, play tag and base would be the purple stripes, etc). there were usually several large crocks of pickles-in-process in the corner, and we were instructed to never ever open the lids. I’m not saying we did or didn’t. but we loved pickles.

there was a trunk brimming with the 50’s and 60’s bridesmaid dresses and formals my aunts had worn. I distinctly remember always choosing a periwinkle taffeta with a portrait neckline and a long twirly skirt, while my cousins would pick the yellow satin sleeveless with elbow gloves and the pink net with matching pillox. can you say fashion show?

a huge green sectional that was actually 3 curved couches sat in the center, and created a large semicircle when they were connected. we jumped and climbed over it ad infinitum but she never said a word to us. I think that’s why it was there.

my grandmother lived to be 95, still fixing her own hair and driving her car almost to the end (and was very angry when my dad had to take away her license for refusing to accept the new 4-lane highway and driving into oncoming traffic because that was Where The Road Had Always Been) and cooking herself (and us if we were staying overnight) a hearty breakfast of eggs, bacon, grits and industrial strength coffee every morning.

She literally crackled with verve and life. She collected everything and had difficulty parting with any of it, but painted or wallpapered at least one room a different color nearly every month.  She loved change.  She was quick, blunt, practical, no-nonsense and could sometimes be thoughtless. She wanted to learn everything about everything. She wanted to do things Her Own Way, and lots of times would not listen to reason. the world sometimes seemed very black and white in her eyes. She was a little tacky.

I’m a lot like her.

She was odd: she once offered me $50 to promise I wouldn’t cut my hair. She thought beards were satanic. she kept a pet raccoon. she told us makeup was a sin but kept tubes of old, unused Coty lipsticks in her top dresser drawer (yeah, we snooped.) She played favorites among the grandchildren (i’ve never been anyone’s favorite but that’s okay). She taught my sister to drive when she was 12. she had no television but believed every word that came out of the radio. She was probably what we would now term bipolar.

And yet, as a child I felt an excitement and freedom at her house, with the colors and the energy, all the little collections of interesting things and her energetic pushing aside of the boundaries of taste and decorum. I loved the beautiful craziness of it after the calm white space of my mother’s home, the only color there touches of flow blue china and honey-colored pine floors (it’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong - my mother has wonderful taste, and it’s very scandinavian-country and tasteful in its own farmhouse way. you’d love it.) but my bedroom at home was soft green and cream. I wanted fuschia and a multicolored floor. and glass grapes.

Don’t misunderstand; I adore the serene loveliness of a more neutral home - a place where there is judicious use of color and not so much that it’s like living in a crayon box - to visit. I think it’s fabulous that everyone expresses themselves and their personality in their house and stuff and it is them. Japanese craft books and most things Martha-style make me crazy happy, and decorating that doesn’t go to extremes in any direction has me drooling with envy. Spare white walls tempt me weekly, and simple tan linen sewing projects, and rooms where easy peace rules. It’s a gorgeous aesthetic I will never master. My house makes some people a little nervous.  it gives me energy.

I’m a lot like her.